You want to lick me where?

I have an ex who, in the breaking-up phase of our relationship, confessed that he’d felt unmanned after seven years of sleeping with a woman who rolled over after sex to masturbate. He didn’t get that I’m just greedy (!)—to him, that was me saying “you’re no good in bed.” This was my first real awareness of insecurity and inadequacy and the effects feelings of less-than could have on a relationship—I didn’t even recognize my own past insecurities until this incident.

Back in my virginal days, the prospect of receiving oral sex did not leave me hot and bothered. At the time, I thought “gross.” Gradually, however, I realized it wasn’t the experience that turned me off so much as the fear. The idea that somebody would be down there with a front row view of that gave me the shivers…and not the good kind.

Thank goodness I got over that and moved on to a, er, varied sex life as an adult. 

My characters haven’t managed to escape the sexual insecurity, even though I’ve worked through (most) of mine. Cora, the main character of my Dragon Queen books, worries about sagging breasts, thighs, tummy—all the places an imperfect woman might find worthy of personal fixation. Sophie’s pregnant belly makes her self-conscious. Amy, of “Unwrapping Amy,” feels less than worthy of her husband of many years and her feelings of unworthiness begin to manifest in bed, to the point she craves the freedom brought on by a power exchange.

A scene in my most recent release, “All the Trees in Pearl,” just would not end as I was writing it. Ethan couldn’t get Margaret to orgasm. She’d come close and start talking. She’d tense up and push his hands away. He couldn’t figure out why and neither could I until recently. I knew she was insecure about something, but couldn’t figure out what—and then it hit me: she was embarrassed by her “O” face. It didn’t matter that he obviously wanted her; her insecurity took over and kept her from enjoying the full experience.

She got over it, though. Ethan continued to want her even after she climaxed. Amy realized that her husband still wanted her despite her feelings of failure. Sophie’s man found her pregnancy indescribably sexy. Cora’s lover kept coming back for her despite her efforts to push him away. Gradually, their insecurities faded under the warm care of men who wouldn’t take any form of “I’m scared” for an answer…

…and who didn’t object to being blindfolded so a girl could keep a few intimate details to herself.

Ever since I realized one of my favorite sexual themes to write about is sexual insecurity, I’ve found myself searching for the sexual weak point in books I read. They’re more interesting to me than the relationship “black moment” because they’re intimate on a raw, stripped-naked level and can’t be covered up for long. They make a story honest for me.

What makes a story honest for you?

 

Emily Ryan-Davis

Visit me at http://www.emilyryandavis.com

*~*~*~*

At the end of the week, one lucky commentor will receive a copy of Emily’s new release, All The Trees In Pearl, so…comment away!  You don’t want to miss a chance at this one!

Gettin’ our freak on with Emily Ryan-Davis next Monday!

The lovely and talented Ms. Emily Ryan-Davis will be joining us here at H & B on Monday to discuss both her new release at Ellora’s Cave, All The Trees In Pearl, and the oftentimes closeted subject of sexual insecurities.  We’re looking very forward to chatting Emily up and we certainly hope you can join us!  

And, of course, what would a guest blog be without a book giveaway!  Check out the blurb and link below to see what you could win for hanging with us and doing what we love best…

Talking about sex.

~*~*~

She believed the man didn’t matter as long as he said yes - until the wrong man vowed to love her beneath….

All the Trees in Pearl
by Emily Ryan-Davis

Available March 21 at Ellora’s Cave

Signed and paid for by one brother.

Ethan Carver didn’t order a wife, but he couldn’t turn away from Margaret Redde’s lush mouth and proper manners. Could he keep up his brother’s deception and make her stay?

Set on fire by the other.

She wanted security and didn’t care where it came from - one brother was as good as the other - until Ethan touched her. One night in his arms changed everything. His hot kisses sent her up in flames and taught her desires she didn’t know she possessed.

Read an excerpt today!

Pas*sion

 –noun (as defined on dictionary.com)

1.	any powerful or compelling emotion or feeling, as love or hate.

2.	strong amorous feeling or desire; love; ardor.

3.	strong sexual desire; lust.

4.	an instance or experience of strong love or sexual desire.

5.	a person toward whom one feels strong love or sexual desire.

6.	a strong or extravagant fondness, enthusiasm, or desire for anything: a passion for music.

7.	the object of such a fondness or desire: Accuracy became a passion with him.

8.	an outburst of strong emotion or feeling: He suddenly broke into a passion of bitter words.

9.	violent anger.

10.	the state of being acted upon or affected by something external, esp. something alien to one’s nature or one’s customary behavior (contrasted with action).

Well, that about does it for my post today. I think that explains it very well. So tune in next week… ok so I am bluffing just a bit. I was sitting here contemplating on what to blog. That’s when my mind went off on it’s own little tangent. What is the one thing that drives us in life, in writing, in love. It was a relatively simple answer. Passion.Passion is or should be at the heart of every story. It should flow off the page and grab hold of the reader, enticing them to continue to turn the pages. I’m not just talking about romance and sex, although I feel it is definately a necessary component of a good romance. I am actually referring to your writing. Your passion for the story should be evident in what you are writing. If you can’t convey your passion for the story, what is there to truly make your reader fall in love with your story enough to coninue on to the end, let alone commit to buying another book?

We have all read stories where it was evident that the passion was missing from the writer. Those books that feel as though they are written and printed before you could even finish reading the last novel. Passion is a necessity in life, so should it be in your writing. That is my two cents. Though it does not amount to much. Just a little mid-week slump that lead into this rant.

Xoxo, MJ

Hello, my name is Ally and…

I am a perpetual lazy ass.

For months now, I’ve complained about not having enough time to write, to read, to shave my legs, to exercise…  I’ve complained about my house being on the verge of condemnation.  I’ve griped about school and kids and my husband getting in the way of and clouding my creativity.  Worst off all, I’ve let myself believe and feed off of other’s assuring me that sometimes life just gets in the way.  At some point things will calm down and I’ll find my groove, my mojo again.

Well, as hard as  it is for me to finally admit, that’s all a bunch of nasty smelling bullshit.

It’s me.  All.  Freaking.  Me.  The truth of the matter is I’m lazy.  I lack ambition.  Not motivation–God knows I have plenty of reasons to do the things I need to do.  I just don’t do them.  Instead, I spend hours blog hopping every day.  I’ve become addicted to clicking the ‘View New Posts’ tab on Divas.  I spend ridiculous amounts of time staring at, considering, and ultimately procrastinating cleaning of my disastrous house.   I put off homework ’til later, which eventually becomes the very last minute.  Then I scramble to get it done.  But, hey…  Now I have a legitimate excuse for why I can’t clean or write, don’t I?

It’s pathetic really, the crap I come up with for being lazy.  And now that I sit down and actually admit it, actually put it in words and prepare to hit the ‘publish’ button on this post, it’s embarrassing.  I’m tempted to delete the whole thing and start all over again.  But really…anything else I’d come up with at this point would just be another excuse.  Another avoidance of the truth.

So, I’m not gonna do it.  Like they say in AA (or so I’ve heard), the first step to fixing/healing your problem is to admit that you have one.  Which…yep, I definitely do.  I can’t say that I’m going to get up from posting this baby and go clean or study or write.  I’m not going to make yet another committment to write X amount of words a day or clean for X amount of hours.  I’d just be setting myself up for failure again.

All I’m going to do today is just what I’ve done:  Come clean and expose myself for what I truly am.  L-A-Z-Y.Baby steps, right?

~Ally

Casual Friday: Only Jack…

 Hehe…this is hilarious.  Enjoy.

New Promo!

Check out the promo page for  Emily Ryan-Davis’s upcoming release, All The Trees In Pearl.  And then come back on Monday, March 31st when Emily will be guest blogging for us!  She’ll be talking about a subject you won’t want to miss:  Sexual insecurities.  We’ve all had them.  Many of us still have them.  Now let’s talk about them.

(Is it just me, or do I sound like I’m channeling Dr. Phil? )

The Art of Avoidance

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Ah, the day of the green beer and corned beef and cabbage (an Irish, but not really Irish tradition here in Wisconsin) is finally here.  Are you wearing green today?  Or are you showing your pride in your heritage and wearing a t-shirt or a button or something like this…

I wasn’t sure what I wanted to blog about today, but I knew I couldn’t go without mentioning St. Patrick’s Day.  I wanted to find a really cool Irish graphic to post along with my well-wishes and, in my efforts, I came across the t-shirt graphics below.  Ironically, I decided last week that, at some point, I should blog about lame ass pick up lines.  And, well, it looks that day is today.

We’ve all been a victim of tacky, usually drunken pick up lines at one time or another.  Some of us may have fallen for them.  Maybe we’ve even used them.  More than likely, we write out characters use them.  Just please tell me that, those are kinda cute, you’re not letting them say or wear these…

Okay, so this one isn’t so bad.  In fact, it’s pretty feminine and I’d probably wear it myself.

Eeew.  Sorry, but that just creeps me out…

OMG, I would totally fall for that!  If I was passed out from too much green beer…

I’ve actually had some drunken idiot say this to me.  I laughed so hard, I spit my green beer all over him.

Are you shittin’ me?  Does any man who might wear a t-shirt with this logo actually think he’s gonna “get lucky”?

Yeah.  That gnarly, vegetable looking thing makes me wanna crawl all over ya.  Yeah, baby, yeah.

Irish or not, what are some of your favorite and/or lamest pick up lines?  Have you seen anything funny or as riduculous on a t-shirt before?  Did these lines or slogans work or did you spew green beer, too?

Happy Monday and again, Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

~Ally

Main pagin’ a promo today…

Because both MJ and I have been crazy busy (not to mention the headache that has been plaguing MJ for 2 days).  You’ll forgive us, right? :) 

Check out the latest from the Diva of all divas…Jax Cassidy.

THE LOTUS BLOSSOM CHRONICLES
an anthology with Simone Harlow
Paperback: 250 pages
Publisher: Parker Publishing, LLC; First edition (March 17, 200
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1600430341
ISBN-13: 978-1600430343

In Jax Cassidy’s
SIREN’S SEDUCTION …

Niko Chow craves solitude. Only fate won’t leave him in peace. After losing his wife and unborn child in a car crash, he slips into the dark world of alcoholism. His desire to overcome his addiction leads him to a promise made to a dying friend and into the arms of a seductive chanteuse. Donovan Matthews ignites a passion within him he has long denied. The more time he spends with her, the more Niko finds her spitfire determination and generous heart as sensuous and exotic as the Lotus Blossoms that bloom in his garden. Can she end his internal war and help heal his aching soul?

In Simone Harlow’s
CONCUBINE …

In the new world order, New Africa bounty hunter Nyssa Farris has only one goal…to get her daughter back from the woman who snatched her out of her arms as a baby. But to do that, she must break her one rule: never hunt a slave. Once a pleasure slave to a king, Nyssa understands how the loss of freedom can scar a person’s soul, and for her daughter she will pay the price.

Prince Asad Kuba is a man on the run. Escaped from the wicked queen, he will do anything to stay out of her clutches. He doesn’t expect a beautiful, determined woman to capture him, bed him, and take him back in chains.

Two people on a collision course will change nations.

Need a Spotter?

I was thinking the other day about my writing, and the things that I rely on to get me through the tough times. (You know, the times you feel like throwing in the towel because you have the ‘I suck’ moment.)

You know how people have ’spotters’ when they are working out? I have spotters in my writing. Family and friends supporting me and encouraging me to move forward in this pursuit have always been a given for me, but sometimes you need the support of the people that are trudging along that same road. Of course I must admit that Romance Divas has been a big plus to have in my corner. The support from my fellow writers there has been amazing. But there are a few that have had even more of an impact when I find myself in those black moments.

Obviously Ally has been there for me during every nasty comment I have made in regards to my own writing and kicked my arse a few times to ge tme back on track. JD has also done the same (even though he probably doesn’t realize it). Then there are the occassions when even a FlanTastic or two has popped up in my IM window when I have failed to make an appearance in chat to drag me back in and give me that much needed boost of inspiration.

So, if you find yourself stuck under that 200lb ‘black moment’ weight crushing down on you, might I be bold enough to suggest you get a spotter or two (or maybe even a group of FlanTastics ). They have been there for me more than they know, and for that I can never thank them enough!

Xoxo, MJ